This Just In: White House Blames Hurricane Sandy On a Movie Released Back in August

Bookmark and Share  With the devastating force of a superstorm developing from a combination of weather fronts linking forces with Hurricane Sandy approaching the North Eastern United States, the White House is insisting that the deadly storm is entirely the result of a violent supernatural reaction to the release of the movie “2016: Obama’s America” back in August.

According to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney;

“This storm is in response to a video, a film that we have judged to be unfair and damaging to the President’s reelection.”

Compulsive liar Stephanie Cutter, the President’s Deputy Campaign Manager, issued an alternative excuse for the dangerously powerful force of nature that is about to overwhelm the entire NorthEast quadrant of the nation from Virginia to Maine and New Jersey to Michigan.  Outside of a studio where President Obama was tapping his latest in-depth interview with Bravo’s Andy Cohen for the network’s nightly talk show Watch What Happens, Cutter blamed the storm on George H. W. Bush.  According to Cutter;

There is evidence that this storm is directly related to George Bush’s presidency.  I tend to agree with former Secretary of State Madeline Albright who put just right when she “Democrats should blame George W. Bush forever for the nation’s problems”.

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So a Mormon, a Pizza Salesman, and a Texas Governor Walk Into a Bar

Bookmark and Share  Today’s Presidential Punch Line comes to us from Doug McMurry;

“So a Mormon, a pizza salesman, and a Texas governor walk into a bar…..

The Mormon says, “I’ll have an O’Douls.”

The pizza salesman says, “I’ll have a Godfather, except make mine a 9-9-9, nine ounces of Amaretto, nine ounces of Scotch, over nine ice cubes…”

“Whoa!” says the governor, “That’s a fancy, Texas-size drink.”

The salesman says, “Yea, I was going to order a Scotch on the rocks, but… I thought you’d just paint over my rocks….” 

Now before you react, please keep in mind that scientists have found that four in ten people laugh at bad jokes………Ba dum tssshhh.  Just kidding.   Thanks to Doug for his submission.

White House 2012 welcomesmyou to send in your own presidential or political jokes, cartoons, images, and videos. If you have material that you would like considered for reproduction in White House 2012, send it to:

Obamacare: 4 Doctors Talk Politics!

Bookmark and Share  An Israeli doctor said,

“Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor said

“That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor said,

“In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said

“Hah! We took an asshole out of Illinois, put him in the White House and half the country has been looking for work ever since.”

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Barack Obama, Spinning More Than Music

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You’re invited to the Barack Obama Blunder-Bus Tour

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Take the Republican Movie Test

What’s your favorite movie?

Bookmark and Share     Searching for some objective way to understand why people like or dislike something can be quite hard to do. There exist an infinitesimal number of factors that shape individual opinions and tastes But two new studies reveal some astonishing findings when it comes to musical and theatrical taste. In regards to music, in additional to cultural factors it has been proven that harmonic arrangements and rhythm patterns are two critical features that either draw listeners in or drive them away.

But when it comes to visual arts, specifically within the area of motion pictures, a recent study by the newly created, and federally funded U.S. Department of Visual Arts has not found it easty to prove what exactly attracts people to different movies. However researchers at the DVA have stumbled upon a formula that can predict your favorite movie

To prove this, White House 2012 invites you to take the following movie test.  It is almost as quick and easy as President Obama is with federal spending and takes but only a minute………………….

   Follow the simple formula below to discover how accurate it is for yourself .  

Movie Test:

Pick a number from 1 through 9

Multiply it by 3 

Add 3

Multiply by 3 again

 Add the two digits of your answer .

Now click here to be taken the White House 2012 test results page.

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Presidential Punch Lines: White House 2012 Jokes and Pokes

Bookmark and Share White House 2012 is proud to introduce a new category of posts called Presidential Punch Lines.

Until Inauguration Day in 2013, Presidential Punch Lines will be poking some fun at the individual who is sticking us with more government, more spending and less freedom, our President, Barack Obama.Whether we like him or not, he is our nation’s President and at the very leasrt, the office he holds warrants respects. But that respect does not make him or the office of President immune from some good natured humor. And our humor is not just limited to him. His friends in elected office, (Republicans and Democrats alike) and at the DNC are also open to being joked about. If they have anything to do with the White House, they are all fair game.

White House 2012 Mug: Each month, it will be awarded to the individual who sends in the the funniest original Presidential Punch Line material

Be it policy, personal qualities, or public faux pas, it’s all up for grabs here at Presidential Punch Lines. And while we will provide you with some of thehumor here, we hope to have you provide some it too. So White House 2012 would to welcome you to send in your own funny presidential jokes, cartoons, images, and videos. If you have materail that you would like to be considered for reproduction in White House 2012, send them to:

Tell us if it is your own original work and the name you would like to be publiclycredited by.

Each month, the best materail will receive a White House 2012 mug. (It may not be much but it’s something (Contrary to liberal impressions not all of us Republicans are rich by any definition they have this week)

So join White House 2012 in tickling some poitical funny bones and help us laugh at that which if we didn’t laugh about, we’d cry over.

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We’ll start you off with this little gem:

It was recently reported in the news that the President had been accidentally locked out of the White House. For that one panicked moment Obama thought that they must have found his real birth certificate.

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Uncivil Discourse……..The Fallout from “Hope and Change”

My best friend Theresa broke up with me about six months ago because she said that she decided that she was a socialist. I said, I know: youve always been a socialist. She responded with Ive now decided that Im a religious fanatic socialist, sort of like a Jew who wont date outside their race. Ive decided that anyone who is not a socialist is evil and I cant be around them.

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Bookmark and Share I met Theresa when I first moved to LA and have known her for about ten years; we went through our twenties together being best friends. We know everything about each other. We have cried with each other and been happy for each other and even discussed Oprah together. We loved each other. But because of her political beliefs, now she wont talk to me. She was in town this week. She didnt contact me. Shes changed her phone number: shes serious. She thinks that Im evil because Im not a socialist. It is horrible being dumped by a friend. Its worse than being dumped by a guy because it is far more personal. I am so angry with the political scene and with Obama because his stupid politics of polarization have made me lose my best friend.

Where have friendly rivalries gone? I used to be able to discuss the merits of socialism vs. smaller government with Theresa. Or discuss Israel vs Palestine with my family: my stepsister accused me of being unable to think for myself and of being controlled by my Jewish husband because I didnt believe that there was a group of Palestinians who were born in Israel forced into a colony and not given the same rights of other Israeli citizens: I just said that Id have to look into it but that it didnt sound right. That sort of reasoned answer was not good enough for her. Ive found that I cant just have a dispassionate political discussion with anybody on the left anymore: it becomes an all out fight, or they block you on Facebook or they never want to talk to you again. I know that now to bring up politics is not only unpleasant but has become socially dangerous.

Which brings me to what happened at Dodger Stadium this week: the Dodger fan has always been known as among the most docile of creatures in the pantheon of modern American professional sport they would arrive to a game late, they would leave games early. Los Angeles is not a great sports town, its a great entertainment town and the fans would watch games to be entertained, not to participate in some weird fantasy sports fetish. They care more about beating traffic out of the stadium then who wins or loses. They didnt yell, they didnt scream and there was always a friendly rivalry with the Giants Fans: razzing and teasing and that sort of thing. This week, Dodgers Fans: granted, most likely gang members, but Dodgers fans nonetheless have for all intents and purposes killed a man because he was wearing a Giants hat. I have always gotten along with my friends who have different opinions because I love my friends and I believe that everyone wants to do the right thing. They just have different ways of going about it. One knew that in a baseball rivalry we were all in reality the same because we were all baseball fans. But now even my best friend wont give the goodness of my intentions the benefit of the doubt. I have been labeled different. I wear a different uniform: anybody who is different is evil. Which means subhuman. That is a dangerous way to start thinking of each other. Historically, that has led to violence in politics and now it has led to violence in sports.

Obama ran on the nebulous platform of change and without definition change in general means things will never be the same. My relationship with my best and dearest friend will never be the same. Now the good people of Los Angeles will have a relationship with their Dodgers that will never be the same. Both of these relationships did not change for the better. They have changed for the worse. Much worse.

Lets hope this insane tribalistic behavior ends before the 2012 election but with the Democrats track record and the flame throwing, lapdog media colluding with them, I fear it wont.

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