This Just In: White House Blames Hurricane Sandy On a Movie Released Back in August

Bookmark and Share  With the devastating force of a superstorm developing from a combination of weather fronts linking forces with Hurricane Sandy approaching the North Eastern United States, the White House is insisting that the deadly storm is entirely the result of a violent supernatural reaction to the release of the movie “2016: Obama’s America” back in August.

According to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney;

“This storm is in response to a video, a film that we have judged to be unfair and damaging to the President’s reelection.”

Compulsive liar Stephanie Cutter, the President’s Deputy Campaign Manager, issued an alternative excuse for the dangerously powerful force of nature that is about to overwhelm the entire NorthEast quadrant of the nation from Virginia to Maine and New Jersey to Michigan.  Outside of a studio where President Obama was tapping his latest in-depth interview with Bravo’s Andy Cohen for the network’s nightly talk show Watch What Happens, Cutter blamed the storm on George H. W. Bush.  According to Cutter;

There is evidence that this storm is directly related to George Bush’s presidency.  I tend to agree with former Secretary of State Madeline Albright who put just right when she “Democrats should blame George W. Bush forever for the nation’s problems”.

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White House 2012: A Thanksgiving Ode To Liberty

Bookmark and Share  She was an older woman. Her face was etched with a history of struggles and her heart strengthened by a faith in a force that was the backbone of her survival. She was a bright lady, industrious and ingenious. Determined and strong willed, her fury could be unlike the scorn of no other, but compassion and fairness ruled her every action.
 
She was married to truth and loyal to justice. Her family was an unruly bunch and a large one too. It consisted of those born of her and those adopted into her arms. But all were embraced with equal amounts of love.
 
Each morning, she woke, without ever actually having fully slept, and prepared to fuel all those in her home with the energy to face the day ahead. Wheat from her heartlands was risen in dough. Corn from the fields she tilled, flavored the muffins in wicker baskets made with her own hands, and the bacon cured, and eggs laid on her farms, sizzled in the cast iron griddles milled from the iron mined out of her mountains.
 
When breakfast was done, the work had just begun. Every member of her family had to go out on their own. One by one, as each left, she reminded them of their bounty and of the future that could be theirs if they made the new day they embarked upon, more productive than the last.
 
Each of her loved ones did something different. They worked in auto factories, others in shipyards. Some worked as lawyers, others as teachers. Some kept financial records, tended bars, stocked supermarket shelves, sang beautiful songs and played beautiful music, prepared luscious meals, made haute couture, wrote for newspapers, provided protection and some cured the ill. What each one did, did not matter to her so much as did their doing it well. For sure, she knew that each one was as valuable as the other. She knew that without each one doing their part, her household would suffer. And suffering was not in her plan.
 
She herself had suffered many tough times. She had been faced with financial ruin, been battered and forced to face many violent confrontations. She had been stolen from, taken advantage of, beaten upon and endured mental anguish as she struggled with harsh decisions and extradoridnary moral and ethical questions. Her life was never easy and the assaults of time on her very being, often showed. Many adored her and looked up to her. Some were jealous of her, others were leery of her and a few often challenged her. But each challenge dropped in her lap and each hurdle crossed, made each of her many successes, all the more grand and incredibly more exhilarating. She took to the sky, crossed they sea, scaled over through and under mountains, created artificial light and virtual reality, wrote enduringly prophetic pieces of literature, invented life saving practices and products, bridged islands and even worlds and even gave birth to freedom, the force that she would eventually come to realize was the key to her being.
 
But she never basked too long in any glory.
 
Instead, she always looked forward and prepared herself for the next challenge ahead. The changing weather, the shifting earth, the roiling seas, the changing opinions and needs of her own family, and the influences of her neighbors, never allowed for a static day. And besides, she was too wise to ever sit on her laurels. The future offered too much promise to ever allow her to just be happy with what was and too many counted her own to make the most of what will be.
 
So she trudged ahead with the start of every new day. She knew that as tough as things may be, her freedoms enabled her, and all those in her family, to do their part so that each next challenge could be and would be overcome. By doing her part and insuring her household with freedom and also responsibilities, all those in her household could become increasingly strong and they in turn would keep the roof over their heads strong. She knew that as each member of her family did their part, in that which they were best at doing, the bounty of her existence would always be there.
 
Appreciative of all that bounty, as this day progressed, she prepared a meal for all to share as they came home from their missions.
 
She made sure that there was a place for everyone at her table, and as, one by one, they took their places, she placed atop the table a wealth of hearty riches that fed their hungry stomachs and fueled the hunger in their hearts for a better day tomorrow.
 
As they joined hands together as one family, they gave thanks for the wealth of the strong willed lady who provided and insured the freedom that allowed them to lead rich lives with endless opportunities.
 
Today Lady Liberty has set the table for a celebration of thanks for all that she has made available to us and all that she continues to offer us . . . So long as, we all always, do our part.
 
Happy Thanksgiving America and thank you Lady Liberty. We  love you.
 
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The 2011 White House Thanksgiving Menu 

  • Sour Grapes

  • Lemons

  • Snake In Grass

  • Roasted Crow

  • A Fine Kettle of Fish

  • Toast

  • Humble Pie

  • Kool Aid

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So a Mormon, a Pizza Salesman, and a Texas Governor Walk Into a Bar

Bookmark and Share  Today’s Presidential Punch Line comes to us from Doug McMurry;

“So a Mormon, a pizza salesman, and a Texas governor walk into a bar…..

The Mormon says, “I’ll have an O’Douls.”

The pizza salesman says, “I’ll have a Godfather, except make mine a 9-9-9, nine ounces of Amaretto, nine ounces of Scotch, over nine ice cubes…”

“Whoa!” says the governor, “That’s a fancy, Texas-size drink.”

The salesman says, “Yea, I was going to order a Scotch on the rocks, but… I thought you’d just paint over my rocks….” 

Now before you react, please keep in mind that scientists have found that four in ten people laugh at bad jokes………Ba dum tssshhh.  Just kidding.   Thanks to Doug for his submission.

White House 2012 welcomesmyou to send in your own presidential or political jokes, cartoons, images, and videos. If you have material that you would like considered for reproduction in White House 2012, send it to:

Bush and the TEA Party Blamed for East Coast Earthquake

Conflicting determinations have President Obama blaming East Coast earthquake on Bush, but Congresswoman Maxine Waters and the Democratic National Committee blames it on the TEA Party.

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Presidential Punch Lines: Obama-Bye. Done 2012

Bookmark and Share   Sayonara, Au revoir,  Shalom, Allah yisallimak,  Hee’m oo, Ciao, Adéu, Bye, See you later, So long, Catch-you-later, Hooroo, Farewell, G’bye, Y’all come back now, Cheerio, God be with ye,………..no matter how you say it and what language you say it in….it all means the same………..Get outta here, go away, move along, time to go, yer’ outta here!

Obama - Bye. Done! 2012 by Kempite

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Barack Obama, Spinning More Than Music

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You’re invited to the Barack Obama Blunder-Bus Tour

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Presidential Punch Lines: White House 2012 Jokes and Pokes

Bookmark and Share White House 2012 is proud to introduce a new category of posts called Presidential Punch Lines.

Until Inauguration Day in 2013, Presidential Punch Lines will be poking some fun at the individual who is sticking us with more government, more spending and less freedom, our President, Barack Obama.Whether we like him or not, he is our nation’s President and at the very leasrt, the office he holds warrants respects. But that respect does not make him or the office of President immune from some good natured humor. And our humor is not just limited to him. His friends in elected office, (Republicans and Democrats alike) and at the DNC are also open to being joked about. If they have anything to do with the White House, they are all fair game.

White House 2012 Mug: Each month, it will be awarded to the individual who sends in the the funniest original Presidential Punch Line material

Be it policy, personal qualities, or public faux pas, it’s all up for grabs here at Presidential Punch Lines. And while we will provide you with some of thehumor here, we hope to have you provide some it too. So White House 2012 would to welcome you to send in your own funny presidential jokes, cartoons, images, and videos. If you have materail that you would like to be considered for reproduction in White House 2012, send them to:

Tell us if it is your own original work and the name you would like to be publiclycredited by.

Each month, the best materail will receive a White House 2012 mug. (It may not be much but it’s something (Contrary to liberal impressions not all of us Republicans are rich by any definition they have this week)

So join White House 2012 in tickling some poitical funny bones and help us laugh at that which if we didn’t laugh about, we’d cry over.

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We’ll start you off with this little gem:

It was recently reported in the news that the President had been accidentally locked out of the White House. For that one panicked moment Obama thought that they must have found his real birth certificate.

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